I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
