Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
