Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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