You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
