He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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