did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
