i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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