Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
