Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
