this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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