So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
