Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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