I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
