Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
