That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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