we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
