I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
