i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
