How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
