I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
high people should be assigned attendants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
