he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
