Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
