Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize