My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
