I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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