u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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