Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
