i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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