I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize