oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
