I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
