So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
