dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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