Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
