I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
