he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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