shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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