you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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