I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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