I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
