i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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