Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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