If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize