every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
