I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
