i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
