Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
