if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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