I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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