he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize