Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
