Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
