I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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