It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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