Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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