it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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