I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
