I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
