During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
