I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize