haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
