i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
