You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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