Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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