The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
