I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
