Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize