So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
