I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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