Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
