I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
